Books | IN SEARCH OF LOST LIVES | Excerpts

Overture

       I always wanted to know who I was. At night in bed, on my belly, my palms joined, with the TV blaring from the living room, unbeknownst to my parents I would silently repeat my prayer of thanks to God and then lower myself and press my cheek against my pillow and wonder about my life.

       Why was I so different from my parents who were not religious or spiritual? I’d started praying secretly when I was 8, and once we moved to Marin County, California when I was 10, I began to try to contact the spirit world and improve myself through self-hypnosis. Why, weeks after my eleventh birthday, did I let go of their nominal religion and dedicate my life to finding a way to conquer death and achieve immortality with a consciousness of absolute bliss?

The Guide’s Way

       After my most recent four lives came into clear perspective, I was given surprise after surprise full of wonder: life after life came into view! Delving deep within me, transcending the barriers of flesh and time, the remembrance of lives past was deeply gratifying and joyful. I recaptured the rich, still immortal company of my former selves, my loves, and my evolving spiritual life. Pieces of the puzzle of who I am and where I’d been fell easily into place.

2. British Banker (1831 – 1883)

I met him in his courtyard in the late afternoon, just when the heat of the day began to melt away and the sun softened. For a long time I said nothing. I just sat on the ground and gazed. He looked like an entirely different kind of human. He seemed to possess all the energy and the power that it is possible to possess. His eyes were intense, piercing, luminous, oceans of light.

4. Danish Playwright/Actor (1710 – 1765)

And the main spiritual purpose of this colorful life was to have done with it—to have done my best, notwithstanding some major slip-ups, yet still hungering for more: more joy, more completeness, more love, and cracking the secret of what made the world tick. At times, at night I’d step out alone from our coach and walk into the damp meadow, staring up at the star-laden, deep dark violet sky, and wonder and ask: who or what is God? I was hungry to know.

15. Hungarian Nobleman (1031 – 1082)

       At our midday meal, I was quiet. Afterward I returned to my bedroom to look at the painting of Jesus. While absorbing it I felt a strong pull to go walking in our woods. It was a lovely day in June, peaceful and fresh. Walking among the trees felt like being in a natural cathedral. My heightened state rose higher, as I took in the lush, verdant growth, the earthy smells, the light shining through the boughs. My ego slipped away, and I entered a timeless state. My consciousness expanded. Everything looked and felt beautiful and I experienced it as the handiwork of God. I realized I could feel and sense God’s hand in nature, in man and, yes, in inanimate objects. I felt the Oneness of all existence.

33. Hungarian Herbalist (321 – 279 BCE)

       Through my helping people and seeing them get well and receiving their gratitude, this was the vehicle of a growing awareness of God. At times, then more and more, I began to sense a presence, a benevolent Love. This was the Great Beauty. The more I gave, the more it grew. With this coming awareness of God I felt the presence of God in others, particularly good, guileless people. The power of God was energized by helping people and by being kind to them. The benevolent love I experienced, in helping others and through their gratitude, transcended everything. It was love, purity, caring. I’d feel a comforting presence, which I could raise my awareness to and tune into better. This was the Great Beauty. Ah, it was beyond words. A higher consciousness, and expansion into the Oneness that is Love.

36. Young Macedonian Man (616 – 594 BCE)

       Shortly after four o’clock in the morning I woke up, wide awake. I turned my head and saw a formless form of radiant white light and immediately felt awash in love. This glowing light appeared to be a living being, neither man nor woman, and the light being oscillated between three and five feet tall in the form of an erect figure that slowly moved closer to me! I wasn’t afraid—rather, I wished it to come toward me. Quiet, speechless, I stared into that loving, loving energy the white light emanated toward me. Still lying on my back, I watched the light-being again move slowly toward me, until it was right over me, on me, and it hovered for what seemed like an endless stretch … then the light-being merged in me.

45. Czech Teacher (1532 – 1499 BCE)

       It was summer, a morning in June, and I was outdoors with my young daughter, taking care of her. In the game we’d chase each other back and forth. This delighted her. Finally, she grew tired so we stopped. I bent down and took her in my arms and kissed her brown hair on the top of her head. She was fresh and innocent and vulnerable. That’s when I had the realization—we are totally vulnerable to our fates. I wished ardently that she would have a good life.

       I took her hand and walked with her. I wondered if there was a way out. I didn’t know what I meant by this. I believed in God. I believed in fate. I made a decision. I wanted to find a way out of my fate. I did not know what that meant, but the desire formed. And I continued to revisit and strengthen the desire. This was an advancement in my spiritual evolution. This was the first time in my physical existence I desired liberation.

53. Atlantean Poseidonis soapstone connoisseur and self-taught philosopher (20,188 – 20,077 BCE)

       I became a self-taught philosopher. My examination of these treatises formed into questions about life; soon many questions arose, the most prominent, the most demanding, being why are we here? I continued to read, to study, to ask questions, to take notes that ultimately frustrated me, for I felt I could only skirt the answers, not uncover what was definitive. As I was forced to acknowledge that my efforts were stymied and I felt far away from unlocking the mystery, a desire and attachment formed and congealed. I wanted, I desired to find the answer I sought, particularly, what is the purpose of human life, specifically my human life? I believed in reincarnation. I believed in the Supreme Abiding Force, but the belief that that Force could abide fully realized in human form remained an unguessed and alien concept.

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© 2010-2021 MICHAEL GODDART

EMAIL: MGODDART@GODDART.COM

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